…Long Live The Twice-Lost Geek.
Or: depression and generalized anxiety disorder are bitches.
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in June of 2013. The month before, my ex-wife and I took our oldest kiddo to Walt Disney World for what was supposed to be an epic family vacation. It was my fourth visit to the park and I had intricately planned almost every detail. From meals to what park we would visit on which day, everything was locked down. Oh yeah, my ex-wife and I argued and fought almost the entire time we were there, and I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “there’s no way I want to spend the rest of my life like this.”
So, after talking with my then-doctor, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and started a treatment plan consisting of Lexapro and Buspar. How I wish those medications would have solved all of my problems. Two years later, my ex-wife and I separated, I moved in with friends, and I began the mammoth task of starting my life all over again. I also spent a great deal of time learning how to manage my anxiety, what triggers my anxiety, and how to be okay with being an anxious person.
I’m now three years out from what ended up being one of the darkest chapters in my life. I’m divorced, and able to do the things I want to do, such as The Twice-Lost Geek.
But Ross, you ask, why haven’t you posted since last year, and why hasn’t there been a new podcast episode in ages? The answer? Anxiety.
You see, my brain likes to tell me that no one is reading my blog posts or listening to the podcast, so why even bother? I get complacent, lose touch, and give up on my dreams. I still occasionally post on Instagram as @twicelostgeek, however.
Life has changed a lot within the past four months. The biggest change has been meeting my girlfriend, Traci. Not only does she understand the weird brain stuff I deal with, but she’s shown me that all of the (seemingly impossible) things I wanted from a relationship do, in fact, exist. She’s been an absolute rock.
Going forward, I would like to regularly post on here, even if it is just stream of consciousness type stuff. I care so much about mental health, LGBTQ+ issues, politics, theology (which is another post for another day), and much more. I’m also going to start traveling again, launch a YouTube channel, and post new episodes of the podcast. I’m only one person, and it might take me longer to post everything than I’d like, but I’m going to extend myself some grace and enjoy what I want to do. I wouldn’t be opposed to bringing someone else on board, but it would have to be someone I could trust explicitly.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for reading this. If you like what you see, you can follow The Twice-Lost Geek on Facebook, Twitter, SoundCloud, and Instagram (@twicelostgeek). The YouTube channel will be coming soon.